Whew ! I have not been on in SOOO long. Lordy. Anyways, as always my life is always changing! Sophomore year has been turning out to be really good! I’ve been making new friends and making better relationships with old ones, like Lydia, Cassidy, Tim, Carson, Matt, Kaylee, Ayla, Kyle, and so on. Miranda is my best friend i just love her, we have so many adventures together. I love being a teenager, i actually get to do stuff! It helps that Miranda drives too. Oh I just can’t eat to get my license . It’s not too far off now though.
I’m starting to love myself now too. I’m starting to feel like a somebody. I mean i just do what i like, dress how i want, talk to whoever just not worry about others too much. I guess you really do just need to be yourself to be happy.
Also…drumroll please…I think I’m finally over Ian! Astounding I know. It started with him dating Cassandra. Of course I was sooooo upset when I found that out and wanted to curl under a rock but slowly…really slowly, I started to get over it. When I saw who he was dating I could tell it was going to be serious, and so i did what I do and kinda tried to rebel and be in his face, but it didn’t phase him. I then wanted adventure and to rebel to show I didn’t need him, which usually ends up not so good… So I go to a party to which I meet Tim. A funny, energetic, gentleman…but more on him later. With meeting him and Ian in a relationship it helped me get over him. But now I want Ian to be my friend, like I didn’t think we could be but when he comforted me on the cheer thing it showed he actually cared and that I wanted his friendship. When I’m in a relationship I think I’m going to try and make something work.
So to wrap up, new friends & better old friends, new guys & friendships with old guys, more partying (maybe no more Tuesday partying ), cheer team, and adventures. Everything that adds up to my happiness (:
I got into a really deep discussion with my friend today about how we became the way we are. I feel like the people who’s contributed most to my ‘now self are Rachael, Sarah, Ian, and Miranda. Rachael introducing me into the real world and kinda corrupting me. Sarah for helping me branch out. Ian for stealing my innocence and for showing me the awesomeness and falseness in guys. And Miranda for helping me learn how to stand up for myself, to be me without caring what others think, and for showing me I can still be classy while parting.
I feel like I was also pushed to who am I today when my parents forced me away from Rachael after the suspension thing. Dont get me wrong I still love her but in a way she was holding me back.
I really like who I’ve become, even though at times my low self esteem kicks in and I hate everything about myself. But now I’m just me, I’m straight forward, I stand up for myself, I’m just…my own person.
Though I feel i’ve changed so much I really havent. Sure i’ve got new ideals and morals, but those are now supporting beems between the house of who I am. And now i’ve opened the windows and let the light shine out.
Im just content at the moment, though there are always thing I can improve(:
Wow haven’t been on here in a while. Not much has changed though. Still in love with Ian, still trying to slim down, just the usual. But I have started letting my true self out. Like I’ve started dance again which I’ve been wanting to do again for days, singing more, just doing what I like. It’s actually made me much happier, like thinking back to middle school where I locked my true self away I was just miserable. But now, now I’m pretty happy. I guess it’s true that you can’t be happy hiding your self away.
God I have no idea what this new year is going to hold. Like what will happen to Ian and I? Will I have a first love? Am I going to change some more? Who is going to be really influential in my life? God just I have NO idea! It kinda scares me, but I’m also looking forward to it. It will be an adventure. However I’d also like to go back to the end of October of last year. Oh that was the best, plus if I could give it another go and do things right…I just want one more chance. If it doesn’t work id just suck it up and move on with my life.
It’s sad, since middle school ive always had someone who I’d talk on the phone with and tell everything, it started with Rachael, then Aj, then Gabe, but now I don’t have anyone. I have Christian to talk though text, but I feel like I’ve disappointed him enough, plus it’s just not the same feeling through text. I miss having someone to talk to and sort though my life. I’m on my own now. Maybe it’s better, all the decisions I make have basically no outside influences. But also it’s nice to have a second opinion.
